Sounds like someone's fighting a man-crush. (Coincidentally, "Man-Crush" is the name of the supervillain that Superman fights in the fan fiction I'm writing.)
I guess that would have been the appropriate time to whip out the infamous essay penned by the scientist who decided that if Superman ever did have sex he'd rip the woman in half and his ejaculate would split the planet in two. Or not?
Poor Superman. Always having to go to the dark side of the moon to crank one out just so he won't hurt any Earthlings. Do you know how hard it is to find porn on the dark side of the moon?
Which begs the question - what IS Superman into, anyway? He routinely fights half naked women who are super strong and can fly - in fact, the ones he WORKS with can do that - is that what he's thinking all the time? Some cross WW/PG slash fiction on the dark side of the moon?
I mean, THINK about it - you're constantly being called on to do everything - saving the world, leaping tall buildings, freezing lakes to put out chemical fires, lifting airplanes, yada yada - don't you think, in at least one area of your life, you'd want someone else in control of a situation?
The problem being, of course, the elaborate restraints you'd need to....
The Fortress of Solitude. Okay.
But who would you find to carry out the necessa....
(Flashforwards through any number of ever increasingly strong characters, often hulking, often in chains and or leather straps, and often heaving in full straining orgasm face in the Superman titles)
Wow. I think we learned a lot today. You know, they have this gallows humor phrase called "sub basement," which is when a sub finally, pardon the term, "bottoms out" - meaning there is no more degradation they could possibly endure, or even come up with. Good thing that Supes never....
All the meta references and pseudo-superior psychobabble makes me feel like I'm in a kevin smith film. And the self-referential nature of this very post makes it positively Tarantino-esque. If I keep going, we'll be in Eli Roth territory in no time.
At least Green Lanterns have the ever hot Arisia Rrab. Long as she's around, Batman and Superman aren't even in the picture, the closet maybe, but not the picture.
I mostly love Arisia for being a teenager who made herself older to fuck Hal - they changed that so she's like 700 years old or some BS, but originally it was creeeeeeeeepy!
@Tigerama - That essay was written by science fiction writer Larry Niven (the guy that did the Ringworld books, amongst others). I think it's still on the net somewhere. And yes, I did notice that I said "Ringworld".....
Way to make your case, dude!
ReplyDeleteProjecting issues much? You sure that was his girlfriend and not his sister?
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, he could be referencing the well documented case for Superman being a dick.
ReplyDelete"It's not gay 'cause I like Green Lantern! It's NOT!"
ReplyDeleteI agree. Its defintely not gay to want to slip your finger into Green Lantern's ring.
ReplyDeleteI would so slip my finger into Katma-Tui's ring.
ReplyDelete-That Mandarin's got some sexy rings too...
ReplyDeleteIsn't Katma Tui dead?
ReplyDeleteIsn't it weird that THAT was the problem? :)
"Take away his powers and intelligence and good looks and inspirational, virtuous acts of heroism, and what does that leave?"
ReplyDelete"You."
I agree. You can never have too much Green Lantern stuff.
ReplyDeleteSuperman is pretty handsome.
ReplyDelete@Sorceror, Maybe it was both.
ReplyDeleteSounds like someone's fighting a man-crush. (Coincidentally, "Man-Crush" is the name of the supervillain that Superman fights in the fan fiction I'm writing.)
ReplyDeleteI guess that would have been the appropriate time to whip out the infamous essay penned by the scientist who decided that if Superman ever did have sex he'd rip the woman in half and his ejaculate would split the planet in two. Or not?
ReplyDeletePoor Superman. Always having to go to the dark side of the moon to crank one out just so he won't hurt any Earthlings. Do you know how hard it is to find porn on the dark side of the moon?
ReplyDeleteWhich begs the question - what IS Superman into, anyway? He routinely fights half naked women who are super strong and can fly - in fact, the ones he WORKS with can do that - is that what he's thinking all the time? Some cross WW/PG slash fiction on the dark side of the moon?
ReplyDeleteHe's probably a sub.
ReplyDeleteI mean, THINK about it - you're constantly being called on to do everything - saving the world, leaping tall buildings, freezing lakes to put out chemical fires, lifting airplanes, yada yada - don't you think, in at least one area of your life, you'd want someone else in control of a situation?
ReplyDeleteThat makes absolute sense.
ReplyDeleteThe problem being, of course, the elaborate restraints you'd need to....
The Fortress of Solitude. Okay.
But who would you find to carry out the necessa....
(Flashforwards through any number of ever increasingly strong characters, often hulking, often in chains and or leather straps, and often heaving in full straining orgasm face in the Superman titles)
Wow. I think we learned a lot today. You know, they have this gallows humor phrase called "sub basement," which is when a sub finally, pardon the term, "bottoms out" - meaning there is no more degradation they could possibly endure, or even come up with. Good thing that Supes never....
(Doomsday. Red and Blue Electric Go-Go suits.)
Eureka. We have Superman ALLLLL figured out.
Superman? What's he, all super and shit? That's dumb.
ReplyDeleteall this over analyzation about superman's sexuality makes this all feel like i'm in the middle of a kevin smith film.
ReplyDeleteAll the meta references and pseudo-superior psychobabble makes me feel like I'm in a kevin smith film. And the self-referential nature of this very post makes it positively Tarantino-esque. If I keep going, we'll be in Eli Roth territory in no time.
ReplyDeleteAt least Green Lanterns have the ever hot Arisia Rrab. Long as she's around, Batman and Superman aren't even in the picture, the closet maybe, but not the picture.
ReplyDeleteI mostly love Arisia for being a teenager who made herself older to fuck Hal - they changed that so she's like 700 years old or some BS, but originally it was creeeeeeeeepy!
ReplyDelete@Tigerama - That essay was written by science fiction writer Larry Niven (the guy that did the Ringworld books, amongst others). I think it's still on the net somewhere. And yes, I did notice that I said "Ringworld".....
ReplyDeleteThe essay is called "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex". You can find it here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html
Keep in mind, this was written in the Silver Age, so some references have been retconned out of existence.