September 19, 2011

To his friend while discussing A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET...

24 comments:

  1. Wait...probably? This guy has just scared me more than any of those movies ever could!

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  2. I heard that you probably won't REALLY die if you spin the chamber, put the gun to your head, and pull the trigger, so what's the big deal?

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  3. I heard that you probably won't REALLY die if you stick yourself with a needle you find in an alley, so what's the big deal?

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  4. I heard that you probably won't REALLY die if you're too dumb to understand what fiction is, so what's the big deal?

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  5. Wait...movies say stuff that isn't true? So if I shoot a kid's parents in a dark alley he won't grow up to fight crime and save the world? Thats so lame! Missed that party last night for nothing!

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  6. I heard that you probably won't REALLY die if a stalker begins following you home every single night, so what's the big deal?

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  7. All those Ironman movies are SO lame! I heard that the US Government probably wouldn't really let someone build and keep a powersuit loaded with all sorts of illegal weaponry, so what's the big deal?

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  8. Well, he's kinda right. That decent-horror-flick-become-slasher-crap-franchise IS lame. But I'd still like to see the research behind his statement...

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  9. It is lame, still doesn't invalidate his being a prick, or his reasoning being cack.

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  10. $20 says he'd shit himself if he woke up and someone was standing over him dressed as Freddy.

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  11. I heard that you probably won't REALLY die if you spent a winter in the Overlook Hotel, so what's the big deal?

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  12. I heard that you probably won't REALLY die if you get unplugged from the Matrix, so what's the big deal?

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  13. On the other hand, Hellraiser could actually happen.

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  14. Jesus, Tiger frantically thought, I gotta come up with something here, I mean, fuck, it's already thirteen comments deep and I got nothing, NOTHING, I fucking tell you, wait - the last two name dropped, and I can fucking do that - okay, uh, shit, uh, Last House on the Left or something? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

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  15. I heard you probably will renew when you go to Carousel, so what's the big deal?

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  16. Batman: The Animated Series is so lame. Batman isn't able to read in his dreams (Perchance to Dreams), yet I have no problems doing it. Jeez!

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  17. Did I just get my comment deleted?

    Sure it was stupid, but I was unaware that this was that sort of place.

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  18. I heard that you probably won’t really die if you camp out at a haunted lake where a little kid drowned years before, so what’s the big deal?
    I heard that you probably won’t really die if you buy a mystical puzzle box that summons pale-skinned beings with multiple piercings from a hell dimension, so what’s the big deal?
    I heard that you probably won’t really die if a 25-foot Great White shark decides to come within three feet of the shoreline at a Long Island beach resort town and only the guy from “All That Jazz,” the guy from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind,” and another actor who blows them off the screen with his brief monologue about a WWII incident involving a torpedoed naval vessel and multiple shark attacks on the survivors can catch the damn thing, so what’s the big deal?
    I heard that you probably won’t really die if you wake up chained inside a dank, disgusting bathroom and receive instructions from a recording and the real mastermind is lying on the floor and pretending to be a dead guy for a couple of hours, and is really good at not moving or visibly breathing for that entire time while you and another guy try to figure a way out of your predicament, so what’s the big deal?
    I heard that you probably won’t really die if you slam down a possessed troll doll on a coffeetable, hard enough to dislodge the chain that keeps the evil spirit trapped inside, and then the doll comes to life and chases you around your 1970’s era apartment until you manage to throw it into the oven, at which point you open the oven door and the spirit possesses your body and you wait patiently for your bitchy mother to come over so you can kill her…so what’s the big deal?

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  19. Anonymous @ 9:47 wins the comments section.

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  20. Tigerama - is this that sort of place? Since that comment is hanging around, I'm a' hope/figure that it isn't. I think those sorts of places tend to delete comments calling them out as such. Maybe some other kind of error?

    Did you fail the Captcha? Are you a robot?

    Slade - I'm pretty sure at least three of those things will kill you.

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  21. I would just like to point out, also, that no-one who actually HAS died in the midst of dreaming about dying has been around to tell us about it. Maybe that's what happens to people who die in their sleep. We always talk about how "serene" and "peaceful" they look, and that's how everyone says they want to go, but what if that's preceded by a hideous nightmare where you get hit by a train or something?

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  22. You won't die, but if it's a dream within a dream you'll end up in Purgatory.

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  23. Those Star Wars movies are so lame. I heard that you probably won't REALLY get your hand cut off by your evil father voiced by James Earl Jones, so what's the big deal?

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  24. The mythology of Nightmare on Elm Street was loosely based on a news article that Wes Craven read on the very real sleeping deaths of some Hmong people in the 70s and 80s. It's apparently some kind of genetic condition.

    Anyway, It's unlikely... Unless you're Hmong... If you ARE Hmong... Yuban is currently on sale.

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